


A mess for Mess

by Saddest_Lad



Category: Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six (Video Games)
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-23
Updated: 2018-05-02
Packaged: 2019-04-06 23:48:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14068245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saddest_Lad/pseuds/Saddest_Lad
Summary: Wowee golly gee, it's a fucken' ship/fluff/OC fanfic for Siege! how unique! I'm not gonna lie and say it'll be good, but it's got a ton of ships and some other people's OCs, so that's nice isn't it.lotsa ships here





	1. mess on the way hooray

Another day on the job, Marco "Mess" Fleming was beginning to get a little bored. He'd been working in the kitchen for almost eight hours, feeding the ravenous occupants of Hereford Base. After cleaning up and throwing out more than a few dishes, he hobbled toward the atrium. As he got his coat, the clerk at the signing desk called out to him. "Marco! you have a letter from one Mike Baker, it came in at 3". Mess grumbled to himself as he moved to grab the letter. After a few seconds, something clicked in his brain and he nearly jogged to the desk, picking up the letter with enthusiasm he hadn't shown since before he lost his leg. He quickly (and rather sloppily) sliced open the envelope, to reveal a letter with a few spots of black tape and a six-shaped emblem. The letter had an overly wordy opening paragraph, which he skimmed over. His eyes locked onto one name. Mike. He backpedaled a bit and read the previous sentence. Apparently Mike wasn't the one writing the letter, instead the head honcho of the super-confidential-oh-so-special spec ops group his friend had left to join eight years ago. He fully backpedaled and reread the entire introduction, most of which was boring legal filler that he could probably ignore without  _too_ much trouble.  
  


_Team Rainbow is a defunct special operations unit, comprised of many operatives from around the globe, with varying skills that set them apart from the rest. After the events with the White Masks, it has been put on standby, as most nations' native counterterrorism units are skilled and unrestricted. Due to political and safety reasons, the group is still relatively confidential, however it is strictly non-military. Among our retired operatives is Mike "Thatcher" Baker, who I presume is an old friend of yours, judging from the way he talks about you. He's been pressing for you to be invited to our compound for a "visit", however, if you desire, it is possible to make acceptable housing accommodation for an unspecified period of time. On an informal note, I've heard from him that your cooking is the best in the SAS, and if I may, we're in desperate need of a new cook, our operatives would have trouble with microwave dinners, let alone home-cooked meals, you'd be greatly appreciated. Mike has also explained in great detail your hatred of paperwork, so I've arranged for a pickup at the nearby travelport. All the paperwork is done, you don't need to worry about any of that. Just go to bay 5 and board the 7:15 evening flight tomorrow. Happy travels._

For a few seconds, he was flabbergasted. What kind of super-secret spec ops group just  _quits_? And the fact that they sent a letter, solely because of Mike's good word? It was even more unprofessional than he was! Whatever it meant, though, he was incredibly excited at the chance of seeing his old friend again. He would have jumped for joy, except his prosthetic probably wouldn't like that. During the bus ride home, he couldn't help but grin like an idiot the entire time. The next day, he spent most of his day lazing around his house, watching TV, and browsing the internet. At six, he drove off to the travelport, where his free flight to Buttfuck Nowhere, Europe awaited. 

The plane ride was relatively dull, it took twelve hours and there was relaxing music playing on the intercom. Mess wasn't sure it was compliant to protocol, but he couldn't care less. He was old, he was tired, and he was bored. As sleep took him, his prosthetic leg started to beep, indicating low battery. Struggling against the drowsiness, he removed the batteries and tried to urge himself to remember to replace them when he woke up. And as the lights on his leg died down, he closed his eyes, and fell into a peaceful rest.

 

 

 


	2. Before Mess Arrived, There was Fluff and Shit Like That, AKA In Which Dokkaebi and IQ go on a Lovely Little Dinner at 12 AM

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> IQaebi fluff trash, love you guys <3

IQ was leaning over her datapad in the darkness of her room, reading a stream of direct e-messages sent by her girlfriend, Grace "Dokkaebi" Nam. They all followed her charming theme of "lewd, protective, and goofy". One of the older ones that IQ was unlikely to forget was after she burnt her hands in a wiring incident. "so Gustave told me your hands finally healed! want to put them to use? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)", the response to which was a simple and curt "no". Despite her lecherous teasings, IQ was pretty sure that her Korean lover deeply cared about her, and had the experience to prove it. Distracted by her musings, IQ didn't notice that she had brought up the keyboard HUD element, until it popped up on her implant and scared the shit out of her. She considered for a second what to type, as Dokkaebi was the kind of person to ask "what were you going to say" if she saw the "person is typing" in her DMs, meaning quick thinking and improvisation were key if you didn't want to end up fumbling for an excuse without sounding shifty. IQ decided that she was a little hungry (maintaining a virtual government is tiring, alright?) so she decided how her message would be worded, typed it out and hit "send". "hey, want to go out and get something to eat?", to which her girlfriend promptly responded with "there's only one thing I want to eat at this time, sweetheart ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)". IQ sighed and typed out her response, suggesting her favorite internet cafe so they could both get engrossed in the internet instead of talking and being awkward. "meet you at 12:35?" was Dokkaebi's quickly typed suggestion, and as IQ rose from her bed she sent a quick "sure". She put on her hoodie, scarf, and gloves, pulled on her sneakers, and grabbed the keys.

 

After leaving her dorm room, she met with Dokkaebi in the main atrium of the military-esque complex the entirety of Team Rainbow inhabited. Her girlfriend was wearing her usual casual clothes, a form-fitting scuba-like bodysuit with a long-sleeve shirt and hoodie loosely draped over it. She was wearing her favorite purple beanie, with a large white "707" emblazoned diagonally across the front, as well as her well-worn wide-rim glasses and a necklace with the micro USB stick that contained her contact info. She gave IQ an impish grin, showing off her cosmetically-sharpened teeth and grabbed the shy German's hand."Hello, Monika, how are you this fine... morning?" she giggled. "Seriously, why are you always up at this unholy hour? it's  _unbecoming_ for such a fine, delicate lady like yourself!". IQ blushed at the jibes, grinning under her scarf. "Well, you know me, always have to do that last minute crunch for resources, can't leave my empire alone for long!" IQ joked, making a minor jab at her addiction to RTS games, having hundreds of hours logged into Starcraft alone. "You forget to supply an entire planet with food for ONE year and you get blamed for millions of civilian deaths, honestly, it's absurd!". IQ went into her sarcastic rant about the difficulties of being the ruler of the galaxy, prompting a chuckle and a satisfied grin on her girlfriend's face at the uncommon event of IQ coming out of her antisocial shell. After being told by Team Rainbow's resident psychologist, Gustave "Doc" Kateb that her lover was on the spectrum, Dokkaebi had taken it upon herself to become IQ's personal guardian. She loved the German with all her heart, and the fact that her beloved gay sweetheart was working so hard to be such a loving person always made Dokkaebi feel lucky to have her. As IQ wrapped up her long winded rant, Dokkaebi gently tugged her hand in a subtle "it's time to go" manner, giving IQ the time to regain her composure and start walking. On the way to the exit, they saw a drunken Ela leaning on Valkyrie, who seemed to be barely holding in laughter. Dokkaebi gave her a wink and mouthed "good luck", causing Valkyrie to lose her composure and fall into a fit of giggles, much to the surprise of a now lying down Ela. IQ smiled and leaned close to Dokkaebi, causing the Korean girl to blush like a tomato. As they left the compound, IQ gave a sleepy chuckle and Dokkaebi got the feeling that this was going to be a good date.

 

They didn't talk as they walked to the cafe, simply enjoying each other's presence and holding hands. It always flattered Dokkaebi that IQ could stand physical contact solely with her, as in most other cases IQ would recoil as if she'd been burned. Again, Dokkaebi felt lucky to be so loved by the skittish girl. As they arrived at the cafe (Wired up cafe, she recalled), IQ pointed at a sign that said " _ **NEW: STEAK BULGOGI AND STEAMED RICE, ONLY $8.50!!!**_ ", and excitedly said "Grace! they have your favorite!". Dokkaebi grinned at the prospect of her favorite meal. They went in, greeted by a light jingle and a small holoprojection of a little troll like creature greeting them and stating the day's specials. They walked up to a tired looking waiter who was sitting behind a small bar and ordered their meals. Dokkaebi ordered the steak bulgogi with steamed rice and a side of grape jello, while IQ ordered a bowl of white rice with a bit of vinegar and onions mixed in. (Dokkaebi couldn't help but chuckle at the tired look on the waiter's face when he heard the 'with a side of fried onions, please'". They sat down at a windowside bench-table and ate in silence. Dokkaebi wasn't one to judge food, but the noises IQ's food made when she picked it up with her spoon were absolutely  _vile_ , and she made great haste in saying so. IQ grinned and made a point to stir her rice around as noisily as possible. While IQ finished her "meal", Dokkaebi took it upon herself to look around the cafe. She saw a couple of tired-looking students huddled around a holoprojector that had some rather complex diagrams and equations on it, a perky, wiry young man in a suit animatedly talking on his phone, and... Bandit? The German was regarding the couple with a smirk. He made eye contact with Dokkaebi and winked; she couldn't help but feel awkward at the older man's teasing. Despite her constant lewd jokes towards IQ, Bandit was a true prankster at heart and was always trying to "get things moving along" between the two girls. She knew he had IQ's best interests at heart (he was like a brother to her, for god's sake), but she was uncomfortable with the constant joking, as she was worried about IQ's feelings about the endless jibes. The goofy ex-cop ordered a coke (he chuckled a bit at the name of the drink) and some fries, got his food and left. Dokkaebi heard IQ's fork clink as it hit the plate, and waved over a blue-haired waitress. She paid for the meal, passed her credit chit over the scanner, tapped her girlfriend's shoulder and in a few minutes they were on their way back.

 

As IQ opened the door to her dormitory, Dokkaebi excitedly tossed off her shoes and skipped over to the bed. IQ smiled at her girlfriend, who smiled and wiggled an eyebrow back. As Dokkaebi got comfortable, IQ made her way to the other side of the bed, taking off her socks and scarf. She slowly got into bed, and in moments Dokkaebi was latched onto her like an iron vice. IQ dialed up their favorite show on the TV, and they simply lay there, enjoying the contact. IQ began to twitch and fidget, and Dokkaebi let go of her immediately. The German walked over to her computer, giggling a bit when Dokkaebi whistled at the rather  _impressive_ spectacle that she was shown as her girlfriend walked away. She sat down and began to log in, tapping her leg as she waited for the validation process, her eyes fixed on the mesmerizing loading animation. She booted up Stellaris and after the menu, she was no longer aware of the outside world. Dokkaebi giggled and got comfy, straightening out the sheets, fluffing the pillows, any casual-looking thing that was mildly obvious in an attempt to drive her girlfriend's attention away from her screen, a game she had come up with a few weeks ago that she never grew bored of. Since IQ showed no sign of losing attention, so Dokkaebi relented, pouted at her, and drew the covers over herself, knowing full well IQ's rapid-fire German mumbling and the bright light of the monitor would keep her up.

 

As Dokkaebi predicted, when the mumbling died down, the clock read 4:38 AM, there were birds having a concert outside, and IQ was passed out at her desk, doing that cute little grumble she did in her sleep. Dokkaebi cautiously tiptoed over to the desk, moved IQ's hand off of the mouse and took over, trying to learn on the fly how to run an intergalactic empire without fucking up everything. She personally took pride in her ability to not totally fail at running a government, even though she'd lost three skirmishes with minor single-planet governments that were underfunded. She felt the grips of sleep teasing at the edge of her mind, and her eyelids started to droop. She barely made it to the main menu before she passed out on top of her lover, snoozing happily away.

 

Sunlight was filtering through the blinds of the main window to IQ's dormitory (she'd have to remember to get the artificial day/night cycle repaired), and she awoke to the collarbone of her girlfriend mashed up to her face, and the acute feeling of her sharpened teeth gently digging into the side of her neck. She yelped and the Korean girl broke into a fit of giggles as IQ scolded her in a stream of German swears that was broken up by giggling and hiccups. The sharp-toothed Korean brought her in for a passionate kiss, and rather effectively reassured the jumpy IQ that all was right in the world.


	3. Valk's Rough Night (in which she has to escort a drunken Ela to her dorm room and make sure Bandit doesn't mess with her)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valk/Ela trash, Ela's passed out drunk and Valk has to make sure Bandit doesn't do some dumb shit like draw on her face or something, mostly for his own sake. This is also before Mess' arrival, most of the fluff chapters will be that way for now.

Meghan "Valkyrie" Castellano was having a rough night. Not necessarily a bad night, but things were pretty difficult. She had to carry her drunk girlfriend, Elzbieta "Ela" Bosak back to her dorm room, despite the fact that she herself was rather buzzed as well. On top of that, she'd dropped Ela, who collapsed like a sack of bricks. It didn't help that alcohol was playing havoc with her motor skills, but despite that, the burly SEALS operator was able to pick up her girlfriend and bridal carry her to her dorm room. Her sister Zofia gave Valkyrie a concerned look on the way, and asked if her younger sister was okay. Valkyrie, thanks to the effort of carrying Ela and the disorienting alcohol  was only able to grunt out "drunk, gotta get her to dorm room". Zofia giggled, and offered to help. Between the two of them, Ela was much easier to carry, but despite the fact that Valkyrie was drunk, it was Zofia that was lagging behind. They eventually made it to Ela's bedroom, and rather uncerimoniously dropped her face-down on the bed. Zofia slyly whispered "good luck" before leaving.

Valkyrie took off her shoes and hung up her jacket before drawing the covers over her lover. She began to chuckle after she noticed that Ela's hair looked like a dark-green grape sticking out of the blankets. Suddenly, she heard a knock on the door. She opened it, to be greeted by a rather suspect looking Bandit. The jolly German grinned and jovially said "hello, Meghan! I saw you trying to drag the missus back to her room, and felt rather concerned! Would you mind if I checked on her?". Valkyrie knew for a fact that the affable prankster was up to something, but didn't show her suspicion. She put on a facade of disappointment, and whispered "sorry Dominic, Elzbieta is in a bit of a mood right now, and I don't think she'd like visitors". The clever German visibly deflated and insisted "well, I'm sure I can calm her down! just give me a chance!". Valkyrie then showed her true colors, and rather assertively said "Dominic, you don't want to do this. Elzbieta is a  _very_ vengeful person, and I don't think she needs more motivation to concuss you after the pierogi incident, regardless of how funny it is. For your own good,  _please_ refrain from messing with her tonight". Bandit was visibly surprised, and simply walked away while replying with a curt "alright, I won't. And _do_ get some sleep for yourself, yes? you look like scheiße". Valkyrie knew better than to leave Ela alone, she knew Bandit would be back with an even more elaborate prank in his head. Sometimes she wondered why he was such a glutton for punishment. She sighed to herself as she returned to her girlfriend's dorm room, it was going to be a  _long_ night.

 

The clock read 4:38, and Valkyrie was barely staying awake. She had scared off Bandit at least three times, but she knew he'd be back. The combination of being drunk and sleep deprivation was exhausting, but her bleary mind managed to piece together a plan. She laid down on the bed, and got comfy, but tried her hardest to stay awake. As she expected, she heard the door creak open, as well as some light footsteps. She saw a shadowy figure creep into the room, holding a marker in one hand and holding out the other hand for balance. The figure got closer, uncapping the marker as it did so. Ela was on the side of the bed closest to the wall, the figure had to reach over Valkyrie to start drawing. As the figure, now close enough to be confirmed as Bandit carefully leaned over Valkyrie, her arm shot up, gripping his wrist in an iron vice. The devious German let out a shriek, and desperately struggled to get away, leaving inky marks all over Valkyrie's already tattooed arm. She said nothing, simply tightening her grip until the German's struggling ceased. She gave him the most terrifying stare she could muster before letting go of his arm. Bandit was already gone by the time the marker hit the floor. Valkyrie chuckled to herself and snuggled up to her girlfriend, and she could have sworn she heard Ela mutter something in her comatose state. As Valkyrie slowly drifted off, she could have sworn she heard someone swear to themselves after a loud thump.

 

As morning light filtered through the blinds of their room, Valkyrie was suddenly roused by Ela frantically scrambling over her and making a beeline to the bathroom. After a few minutes of the unmistakable sound of someone losing their breakfast, lunch, snack, dinner, and anything else they ate in the last week, Ela walked out and swayed like a wet tree branch. Valkyrie greeted her with a drowsy "good morning, sunshine" as the green-haired woman collapsed back on the bed. Ela, now back to sleep, was a major obstacle in Valkyrie's morning habits, as she had to be incredibly quiet to avoid waking the temperamental woman. Valkyrie walked out the door, to be greeted with a massive cloud of white dust, causing her to cough and hack as she waved it away from her face. She looked on the ground and saw a half-empty bag of flour, and her ears were greeted by a rather satisfied chuckle. She wheeled around, giving an equally flour-coated Bandit the best attempt at a scowl she could make. After about three seconds of glaring, she broke into laughter, before promptly smacking Bandit over the back with the sack of flour. As it quickly escalated to a full-on flour fight between the two, Valkyrie heard the door to Ela's dorm open and was greeted by a rather creative stream of swears as Bandit missed a toss. She slowly, apprehensively turned around right before she was tackled by a white-faced Ela. The three of them eventually tired of the game, and as Bandit made his way to Thatcher's office, likely in a suicide mission, Valkyrie and Ela attempted a kiss, both coming away spitting and coughing as their mouths were filled with flour. Valkyrie helped the still-hungover Ela to the gymnasium's shower room, as they didn't want to get their private shower messy. As Ela ogled at Valkyrie while she undressed, Valkyrie saw in the mirror that she had a big, fat "L" drawn on her forehead in black marker. She smirked, and made her way to the shower stalls, with a starry-eyed Ela in tow.


	4. The Goddamned Puzzle Piece (in which Fuze and Jaeger waste three hours trying to find the last piece for a puzzle and things happen as a result)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fuzejaeger trash for all y'all, enjoy this garbage fire of a fanfiction while it lasts!

Shuhrat "Fuze" Kessikbayev sighed as his boyfriend struggled to free his arm from the couch. They'd been working on a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle and misplaced the last piece, a part of a crab's eye. As he and his partner, Marius "Jaeger" Streicher scoured the small dorm room for the offending piece, they had found many interesting objects. One of IQ's LEGO pieces, a copy of Pokemon White 2, and a photo of Tachanka's DP-28 machine gun after Jaeger had modified it for the ancient Russian. However, despite the quickly growing pile of odds and ends, they still had not found that god damned puzzle piece. Jaeger had gotten the wonderful idea to feel around in the deeper crevasses in the couch, despite Fuze's joking warnings about  the monsters he might see. "I've fought Russian alien zombies, Shuhrat, I imagine I can beat down whatever's hiding in our couch  _easily_ ". Fuze had sighed, and taken a seat on the floor, since the couch was now being viciously torn apart by Jaeger. After about five minutes of searching, Jaeger suddenly let out a yelp. Fuze, feeling sedentary and mildly spiteful called out "have the monsters gotten you yet, Marius?". Jaeger responded with an embarrassed "possibly. I can't get my arm out of this couch, Shuhrat. I may be imprisoned forever!". Fuze chuckled at the joke, and left for the workshop, shouting "stay where you are, I'll get a saw" over his shoulder. He wasn't sure, but he could have sworn he heard Jaeger muttering some very unpleasant things under his breath.

 

Fuze wandered around the workshop, noting IQ quietly inspecting her scanner with an eyepiece, and Echo lazily driving his drone around a track. The SAT operator greeted him in a cheerful, albeit tired voice, while IQ waved at him. He walked to the woodworking section and picked a particularly safe-looking hacksaw and put it in a sturdy cut-proof bag. He made sure grab a bag of skittles for Jaeger from the nearby snack room on his way back to his dorm.

 

When Fuze got to his dorm room, he noticed the door was ajar, and immediately got suspicious. He ran to the living room, to find a now-free Jaeger sitting down and eating a candy bar, next to a very damaged looking couch. Immediately curious, Fuze began to question Jaeger. "I was stuck, as you know, and Seamus decided to stop by. He noticed my predicament, and, well, freed me", was Jaeger's response. Fuze looked at the couch, then back to Jaeger, before sighing and tossing the Skittles to his boyfriend and walking to the workshop to get some nails and boards. Jaeger grinned and began to tear into the bag of Skittles when he heard Fuze scolding Sledge for breaking his couch. Despite the fact that Fuze was cross about the couch, he knew for a fact he'd be cuddling with him all the same later that night. Jaeger made his way back to his own dorm, tossed the now empty bag of Skittles in the trash, and laid down on his bed.

 

After fixing the impressive damage to his couch, Fuze decided to pay his boyfriend a visit. Before going to Jaeger's dorm, he went to the snack room and picked up an impressive collection, much to a disgruntled Ash's displeasure. He waddled to Jaeger's dorm with almost eight bags of chips and a couple candy bars for his sweet-toothed boyfriend, nearly collapsing when he had to contort himself to knock on the door. When Jaeger showed up in the goofiest, pink-unicorn patterned pajamas Fuze had ever seen, he finally caved, dropping all of his loot on the floor as he clutched his stomach while laughing like a madman. Throughout this whole ordeal, Jaeger kept an impressively straight face, even as he ate a Kit-Kat whole. After ferrying the dozens of snacks into his room, he led the still shaking Fuze to his couch. The two of them collapsed on the cushions, quickly getting into comfortable positions to cuddle as they lazily made their way through the snack hoard. Jaeger turned on their favorite Mythbusters reruns and they got comfy with each other. The rest of the night was a blur, but they both fondly remember chatting to each other about the plausibility of the myth and how to recreate the experiments themselves, with the highlight being a passionate kiss before eventually drifting off. Even if the details were muddled, they both knew they had an amazing night. 

 

That morning, Fuze retired to his dorm room, and on the counter he found an envelope. curious, he opened it up, and let out a tired sigh. Inside the envelope was the missing puzzle piece, and a sloppily written note, saying: "sorry about that, I just couldn't resist. -D.B.". Fuze called up Jaeger and they put the final piece in, grinning like idiots, before going in for another kiss.

 

 


End file.
